We all knew that the creek was flowing very fast. It was as cold as ice, and more transparent than glass. These factors did not keep us from wading out and undamming the creek.
Tito, being the big cousin, waded out first. Then me and then Tito's brother. Tito kept staring at the water, and watching it rapidly flow downstream and into rocks. he seemed so fascinated by the water.
After the creek was undammed, Tito's big brother lost his shoe, and Tito dove in after it without thinking. He helplessly floated down the rapid stream. He grabbed onto a rock and held on for dear life. His brother rand down the side of the creek and helped his little brother to the shore where they gathered theirselves.
Ty:
ReplyDeleteThis is an excellent parallel piece to the "Tucson" flash flood story-- a group of adventurous kids not exercising enough CAUTION! You also effectively employ the detached third-person POV, to make the events feel more urgent/ dramatic.
The only negative issue: it was just a bit too SHORT!
I think this is a start to a great story. But I felt like there was supposed to be more to it. Also, there is a spelling a capitalization error. I really liked it, but I think it would be even better if you expanded upon it.
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